My Blog

106, 2020

Lock down Musings 1/6/2020

Geez I’m in a bad mood today, don’t ask me why, just woke up ready for a fight, thankfully I took myself out for an hour walk to try and work out why I feel so fed up.      Still no clear answer.

On a positive note I had a good weekend, got loads done including the under stairs cupboard of ‘doom’ so called because there is so much crap in there you could not fit a postage stamp in the spare space!  This included great excitement, as we managed to secure a slot at the local tip and I cleared out a load of rubbish.

I may well have done too much, Feng Shui principles suggest that a huge clear out can shift a load of inner turmoil at the same time, so maybe things are shifting within. My weight is steady and I seem to have the ‘grazing’ under control.   Didn’t feel much in the mood for eating yesterday, very unlike me, but I have decided just because it is lunch or dinner time, does not mean I have to eat if not hungry.

Lock down is more or less over here in the UK, I just hope we do not get a second wave, the Conference date is getting closer and I am inwardly worrying about that, I will of course put proper measure in place if we are able to go ahead, but it is the uncertainty which is frustrating.

Another day here working at the laptop, it never ends, I need a holiday!!!

2405, 2020

Lockdown Musings 25/5/2020

It seems like lock-down is over, we are still keeping social distance and shops, restaurants, bars and cafes closed, but judging by the amount of people at my local beach plus the car park filled with cars, I guess we are through the worst.

I had such a good eating week last week, in fact I lost 3lbs, then the weekend strikes again and I managed to put 2lbs back on.  I have mentioned before that Saturday nights we try and make different from the rest of the week, it helps us to define what day of the week we are on!  So, Saturday I made a homemade Indian feast, followed by a bag of popcorn (trying to be good and avoiding chocolate) whilst watching a film did the damage.  To be honest I am gutted, I know what ingredients went in to the food and it was, by Indian restaurant standards, quite healthy.

Now another week looms and I have to start again,  I feel weary with the constant cycle of yo yo dieting, the ups and downs of trying hard, yet not succeeding.    Weary is a good word and sums up very much how I feel right now, the temptation to book in to a boot camp when this is all over is running through my mind, but some bossy boots telling me what to do might well result with a smack in the mouth the mood I am in, oh what to do…. The good news is that my knee is better and will get back on the couch to 5k run this week.

1805, 2020

Lock-down musing Monday 18th May 2020

It looks like we are on the road to being back to some sort of normality.   We have the green light to go out as much as we want, observing social distancing of course, cafes, bars, restaurants still not open, so daily cooking is still much of a chore.  To be honest we only use to have a weekend treat of dinner out or a take away, but meal planning has become a bore.

The weight issue still lingers, one day good the next bad, I have knackered my knee running so that is on hold for now, and I feel very frustrated by that.   It is the weekends that do me in.  I can actually be quite disciplined Monday through to Friday lunchtime, then it all goes out the window, must be a throwback to my misspent youth in the mid 80’s where the weekends were wild.    I was living in London’s Russell Square,  with a great job, an expense account and it was not uncommon to see me in the cocktail bars until the early morning knocking back pina coladas, oh, those were the days, interestingly enough, I didn’t have weight issues then, nor did I worry about it.    But, back to now, another week ahead of us, is this the week I can pull myself together.  We will have to wait and see.

1105, 2020

Lock-down Musing 11th May 2020

I say this with love ………….. ???

I had a lovely weekend, my son, daughter in law and baby visited (in the garden with social distancing adhered to), it was hard with no physical contact, because I just want to pick baby Albie up and kiss him all over, but that will have to wait.  Then the rest of the weekend was spent gardening and pottering around the house.

Sunday, I was back on the treadmill starting week 2 of the Couch to 5k NHS plan.    Felt quite proud that this middle-aged lump ran 2.8k in 30 minutes.   Anyway, all good so far.  Then Sunday evening my left knee locked, the pain was excruciating.  Honestly, I have never felt anything like it. I couldn’t straighten nor bend it, I gave in and took some paracetamol which took the edge off, but I was still in pain, then it happened …….  Husband was being really sympathetic, then blew it with the immortal words ‘well you are carrying a lot of weight, so no wonder your knee has given up the ghost’!      He never mentions my weight, ever, but then bought it up again this morning.  Like I don’t feel like shit enough to now have to deal with words. which, I know were not meant to be cruel (he is not that way) but just a flippant remark.   The reason why it hit a nerve, is because I know it to be true, but I just don’t like or need to be told I am fat.  Oh ladies, I am revisiting the Tarot Food Plan and the diet books are back out of the cupboard.  Maybe secretly it is a good thing he said those words, because it has made me take a long hard look at myself and try and be more mindful of what I eat.  Lock-down is a cruel state of affairs especially if you have little or no willpower, it is like a passport to do and eat what you like but as I said in my previous musing, we are one or the other.  I now have to be more of the ‘other’ and take advantage of this time and sort myself out.     Just to be clear, I will always ‘diet’ for me and never under pressure from anyone.   But it seems that now the time is right.  Here we go again.

705, 2020

Lock-down Musing 7th May 2020

This lock down has seen two types of personalities emerge, those who have used this time to self care,  cook from scratch, take regular exercise, practised techniques such as meditation, yoga to help manage stress, tuned in to a live workouts and used the time wisely to build life-long healthy habits.   Then there are the others, who basically thought ‘sod it’ I will sort myself out when this is over.  The cupboards are full of sweeties, crisps, wine, and any excuse to pop on those comfy trousers and plop in from of the TV.  Which one are you?

I have to admit, I swing between the two, some days I wake up full of enthusiasm, sure that today is the day I will make the changes I need to.  I work out in my gym, I plan the days menu, drink gallons of water and have a restful night’s sleep.

My bad habits tend to appear in the evening, when I am settled in for the night. Early bath and pj’s on, the only thing missing is stuffing my face with a sugary snack. I have decided the only way to combat this is NOT to buy them! To be honest if it is not there then you don’t miss it.  I have replaced the candy with walnuts and almonds, a small handful with a decaff cuppa in the evening seems to suffice, but it is all about getting in to a habit.

I know what I/we should be doing, but I am just letting you know, I too am only human.  Today is a good day as was yesterday, who knows what tomorrow might bring.  It is a Bank Holiday weekend here, usually an excuse to fall off the rails, seriously it doesn’t take much, but I will do my best.  There is always next week to put things right 🙂

1006, 2019

Someone Sew my Mouth Up!

A culmination of negative thoughts and disappointment fuelled by others, have filled me with a sense of sadness today.  This in turn has led to me eating my body weight in crap, along with being incredibly tearful it has been a pretty shitty day.   I realise that others can to stir our emotions ONLY if we allow them the power to do this, I hate myself for losing control and doing the one thing which makes me even more fed up, eating rubbish, it makes you feel rubbish.

What it has done, has made me sit with my diary this afternoon and add dates for the the things which make my heart sing, my meditation group, teaching psychic development AND kicking off the Tarot Food Plan challenge again.

Those who came to my first group will remember the feeling of motivation and inspiration we felt when we came together, shared stories and worked with the cards to understand our triggers.

Saturday 6th July is in the diary for a morning workshop, if you are unable to join us physically we are offering the 22 day challenge to drop in to your email box every day for 22 days.  With the support of the Facebook Group,  realistically we can lose 10lbs in a month.  Are you up for it?  See the front page for booking option.

You can book your space here http://tarotfoodplan.co.uk/